what is birthday sex even like. hey its your birthday. we have sex other times but today iTS SPECIAL idfk what is it like
suddenly it all makes sense
dreamworks make up your minds do they exist or not
can we talk about the way the letter g is written on computer fonts
if i ever try to write that on paper it looks so weird
my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out “Do you need to use the sleep?”
and then she just kinda looked really horrified at herself and whispered
"Maybe i need to use the sleep"
The immediate reaction of German POWs upon being forced by the US Army to watch to the uncensored footage of the concentration camps shot by the US Signal Corps.
People often forget that most of the German troops had no idea about what was going on, they weren’t all fanatic Nazis bent on genocide, they were just regular soldiers who answered the call when their country went to war.
So this guy was dressed like grapes for halloween and I asked him if when he got mad he was going to start raisin hell.
Poor guy lost it.
UPDATE: He started complaining that the guys he was going to go with wouldn’t come down and I told him “OH STOP WHINING”
HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH A TEACHER EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE OLDER THAN YOU AND THEY’RE YOUR TEACHER THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
I AM A TEACHER AND THE REVERSE IS ALSO TRUE
can you imagine celebrities sending each other ugly snapchats?
at what point in a mutual followship am i allowed to address you by name and reply to all your posts and consider you one of my friends and stuff
Solar Road Trip
"Mom! Earth threw a satellite at me!!" said all the other planets.
When a man dressed as Satan speaks more accurately about God than your pastor, you know something is wrong.
what do you call a drunk basketball player
a slaM DRUNK
you know what fuck you i was gonna say tequille o’neal but no you had to blow my punchline out of the water i cant even win a fucking coin flip let alone my own text posts i hate this website i am logging off goodbye jack let go and drown you poor-ass frozen peice of shIT
So as soon as I get home I take my clothes off and lock myself in my room
but today my asshole little brother decided to barge in and he saw my tattoo
(my dad doesn’t know about it) and he threatened to tell my dad
Being the makeup junkie that I am, I ran to my makeup trunk and pulled out 2 concealers, brown eye shadow, bb cream, and powder foundation and went to work
I came out and he was like “That was Sharpie? You’re so lame.”
Joke’s on you motherfucker.